Confronting My Avoidance
This month I have been reflecting a lot about my quilting and crocheting plans for the year. During this moment of reflection I was reminded about a quilt that I have been avoiding for almost a year now. It is called “Fall Breeze” and was actually the first quilt I was going to make and was gifted to me by my in-laws who always support my creative spirit. At the time I was given this gift, I put it to the side because I wanted to do it justice and have a couple simpler quilts under my belt before starting this one.
Unfortunately with this logic, it became extremely easy to try planning a few more quilts before this “Fall Breeze” quilt and that is when this quilt kit reminded me of my tendency to avoid things that make me nervous or are unknown. By avoiding things, I feel like I gain control of the unknown, but last year I realized this wasn’t true and actually it limits me.
When I came to this realization, it was when I had been learning to drive for five years and was always so frustrated about how anxious driving made me. At the time, if I had a very stressful drive I would tell myself to take a few days to shake off the nerves. But days would become weeks, and by the next time I drove I was already thinking about the drive back. By doing this, it caused me to become more anxious and then if something unexpected happened that I didn’t “plan” for, I would find myself in a state where I couldn’t drive home. One of my lowest and most stressful drives was last December when I was only three blocks away from home. My anxiety was through the roof and I ended up pulling over and asked my partner to drive the rest of the way home. This was the day where I finally told myself something was not working and a change needed to be made.
I ended up looking up driving anxiety and tips to overcome it and found a wealth of information. The number one thing mentioned was to stop avoiding driving. At first I told myself that I wasn’t doing this or if I was, it was to give myself a needed break. But the more I reflected the more I realized I was avoiding certain aspects of driving and that my anxiety had gotten worse the more I avoided. Since then, I have made intentional goals to practice driving everyday, stop avoiding new routes, and actively ask myself what am I avoiding today. This daily practice and reflection has helped me confront my driving anxiety and has helped me become a more confident driver where I can drive without needing my partner with me. I am nowhere close to where I want to be, but I am closer than I have been in a very long time.
Having this reflection has been a game changer in my driving, quilting, and even among my friendships. So I invite you to join me and ask yourself, “is there something that you have been avoiding?”