In 2018, my husband Michael and my in-laws Jeanne and Tom gave me a beautiful sewing machine for my birthday. I had been wanting one for years, but when I finally got one, it sat most of the time untouched. I didn’t know why I was so afraid of using it until I took the Confronting Anti-Blackness for Latinx and Chicanx program that was guided by Celesté from Celestial Alegria.
In this training one of the things I learned about was the 12 characteristics of white supremacy culture. Reviewing these characteristics it was easy to see which appeared in institutional settings like college, grad school, and work. It was harder to ask myself which ones I exhibit and I quickly realized perfectionism was on the top of that list.
Perfectionism was draining my energy because I felt like I had to be the perfect coworker, sister, daughter, friend, and immigrant. Perfectionism was silencing me from having discussions about racial injustices and police brutality because I thought my words needed to be perfect in order to have honest and open discussions. Perfectionism was even stopping me from sewing because I thought everything I made needed to be perfect and any mistake meant I wasn’t a good enough sewer.
Quilting has slowly become one way I have been taking care of myself and a place where I confront my perfectionism. It is also the time where I reflect the most and think about my place in this world and ask myself if my actions align with my values. Thank you Tom and Jeanne for my fabric kit and the gather quilt pattern, it made it easy for me to join the Gather Sew Along where I want to challenge myself to continue to dive into the quilt making world and use this time to gather my thoughts, gather my courage, and see where this journey takes me.
